Death is possibly the most difficult event for children to understand and respond to. Nothing has prepared them for it, and depending on their age and stage of conceptual development it may be literally impossible to take in.

Each child will grieve differently, at different times and in different ways. Often the reality (and permanence) of the death isn’t realised until the child develops and grows older. It is not unusual – as an example – for a three year old to appear to take a death ‘in their stride’ and then some years later show signs of grief when they come to understand concepts such as time and ‘forever’.

As adults we can assist young ones by speaking openly and factually about the issues and also be joining them in reading or looking at picture books which cover the topics. There are many beautifully illustrated and sensitively written books which we would recommend could be shared with children even before they experience the death of someone for whom they care. As with any life experience, if we can discuss death and learn about it before being confronted with its reality we are much better equipped, and can experience less anxiety and fear.

We are pleased to offer you a list of recommended reading for young children on loss and grief under the Books and Recommended Reading link. This list will be regularly updated.

For more information about the responses of children and how to best assist them download Tobin Brothers brochure ‘Children and Death’ which can be requested by emailing This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or telephone (03) 9840 2900.